Phil the Skeleton
I once loved gift cards… but something happened that made me change my mind.
This is a true story BTW!
I was driving to the store to get some groceries and I saw a sign for a garage sale. I drove there and got out of my car to see just one table, a box, and an old man wearing a wizard’s hat. I paid no attention to this and looked at the box. In the box was a toy car, a dead fish, a game cartridge that had “castlevania.exe” written on it, and a wallet. I promptly bought all of this for the low price of a drop of my blood and social security number! What an odd old man. I was looking through my new stash of goodies and I also found a old book written by a man named Tom called “EXE: a story about haunted computers” and a CD case full of songs by Justin Beiber, AWSOME! But something caught my eye. Out of the wallet stuck a card. I opened the wallet to see a ton of gift cards! Cards to Subway, Costco, Target, Fred Meyer, Bubba Gump, Home Depot, and more. One of the cards was to my favorite grocery store so I went there to buy some food.
Now this is where the bad things happen. I finally got done grabbing my groceries and I was purchasing them and I handed over one of my gift cards. She slid the card and she said my current balance left was $665.99 (phew, that was close) but as she was handing back my card A SKELETON POPPED OUT!!!!1!!!!1111!!!1!
The skeleton killed her then disappeared into thin air. I got a picture of the skeleton for Facebook btw. I blew this off as a coincidence and headed to my local game shop to pick up some old Sonic games (I was a huge fan of Sonic.)
I went there and again as I grabbed my stuff (a black cartridge with “Sonic” scribbled on it in black sharpie and a hyper-realistic Tails plushy) and handed the cashier the gift card ANOTHER SKELETON POPPED OUT!!!!!!11!!1!!1!
I was beginning to see a pattern but again I brushed it off as a weird coincidence. I grabbed my stuff, as the other costumers where cowering with fear, and left the store. My final stop was to a butcher shop so I can pick up an odd mystery meat that people said was delicious but had no idea what it was.
Now this may seem weird but the same thing happened! I grabbed my mystery meat, and put it up on the counter. The butcher must have been in the back because I heard some screaming (he must have cut himself of course) so I rang the bell and he came out all bloody and gross. I handed him the gift card AND THEN ANOTHER SKELETON (hyper-realistic this time) POPPED OUT!!!!!!!111!!!!!11!!
I ran screaming because I knew this was no coincidence anymore. I looked behind me and the skeleton was following me!!1!!1!!1!!!!!1! I tripped and fell and the skeleton hovered over me and said, “I am Phil! I was number one! But you stole my reward!” I asked “What reward?” and he said “THE GIFT CARDS!!!!!11!!!1!” I said he could have the gift cards back and he said that it wouldn’t suffice and that I would have to give up my first born child and I was all like “Sure bro whatevas.” And Phil disappeared.
I went back to the man who sold me the gift cards house and the house wasn’t there!!!!!111!1!1!!! All that was there was a wireless phone with hyper-realistic breathing coming from the other end. I asked who it was and the guy on the other side of the line said, “I’m dead! AND SO IS EVERYONE ELSE!!!11!!!
" and I was like “how am I talking to a dead dude on the phone? And how can I see dead people? That must mean I’M DEAD!!!!111!!!”
I’m writing this story from ''Deadguytropolis''. The last thing I will say to you is…
DON’T LOOK BEHIND YOU BECAUSE YOU’RE NEXT!!!11!
P.S. WHO WAS PHONE?!?!!?!1!?!11!?!1?
-Written by FlyingNarwhal